Lois: So how was work today, Meg? Peter: phbbt! Lois: Peter, you lost your job because of the superstore. Cleveland: What the hell?!?! No no no no no NO!!! Hey, Peter, can you blow that towel rack down here? Thank you. Maybe you go out and buy yourself some of these distinctive Milano cookies, maybe this whole thing disappears. Man: Remember those sweet, warm New England summers? Remember sipping lemonade underneath a shady tree? Remember when you hit that pedestrian with your car at the crosswalk and then just drove away? Pepperidge Farm remembers, but Pepperidge Farm ain't just gonna keep it to Pepperidge Farm's self free of charge.

Peter: Who's sober enough to drive? Ok, who's drunk, but that special kind of drunk where you're a better driver because you know you're drunk, you know the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn't drive, but you do anyways because, I mean come on, you got to get your car home, right? I mean what do they expect me do, take a bus? Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that! You take a bus. Joe: OH YES!!! I slam it, you can suck it! Wow, if I were a woman, I would press my bare boobs up against glass in public, just for the SEXUAL THRILL! THE SEXUAL THRILL!!! Peter: Okay, Lois, you can open your eyes now! Lois: Bocce balls!

Peter: Now I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I am not, sir, and that sir, is an idiot.

What the hell happened to you quotes